The term “Love” is frequently used but seldom comprehended. Many perceive it as a fleeting emotion or a verbal expression to please or bring significance to others. Some view love solely as an emotion directed toward someone, but its depth surpasses such notions.

This article aims to unravel the true essence of love, providing insights into what God means when expressing love. It sheds light on the love God desires us to extend to others, particularly the profound bond expected between spouses.

The ongoing discussion about whether love is the sustaining force in marriages has caught my attention, especially because couples seeking divorce often acknowledge their enduring love for each other. The key to understanding this lies in our definition of love. For quite a while, I think we’ve held misconceptions about love, and this article aims to unravel those misconceptions, offering a fresh perspective on love from the standpoint of its creator – God.

Love is acknowledged as the most potent force in the universe, not only in the visible but also in the unseen realm. The power of love is so profound that when God manifests, He introduces himself first as Love. It’s worth noting that the Bible doesn’t state that God possesses love; rather, it says that God is Love. This signifies that love is not a possession but a state of being that one embodies, it is not something you have, but something you become. (1John 4:8)

Just as brightness is inseparable from light, Love cannot be divorced from God. Genuine love remains elusive without a connection to the God who embodies love. If someone says he or she loves you, check to see if they know God.

The article introduces the concept of the “Four Pillars of Love,” encouraging individuals in any loving relationship to delve into a profound study of these pillars. Mastery of these principles promises personal growth not only in loving God but in loving humanity.

PILLAR 1: TENDERNESS

Tenderness is defined as the outward expression of warm, compassionate feelings, reflecting a softness of heart toward others. It involves being highly attentive to the feelings and thoughts of those around you.

In relationships, tenderness is often the first noticeable quality. For instance, a woman may interpret a man’s soft and tender demeanor as a sign of affection. Without uttering a word, she might unconsciously develop reciprocal feelings. It becomes challenging not to respond to someone who consistently displays an abundance of tenderness.

Consider a scenario where a person is engaged in intense and aggressive conflicts with everyone around. However, upon encountering a specific individual, they suddenly become gentle and calm. This transformation isn’t rooted in fear but rather in a desire not to cause distress to that person. This quality is identified as tenderness.

Do your actions align with the presence of God in your heart? Can God influence and regulate your responses and reactions? If you find yourself acting impulsively and engaging in uncontrollable behavior, it may be indicative of a deficiency in tenderness toward God.

It’s impossible to genuinely claim love for someone without displaying tenderness or softness toward them. Persistent anger towards someone often indicates a lack of tenderness. Engaging in prolonged disagreements becomes challenging when there is tenderness, as the person becomes a soft spot. Their mere thoughts can dispel anger.

The Bible illustrates this dimension of God when it mentions God’s remembrance of our frailty and recognition that we are mere dust. (Psalms 103:14)

PILLAR 2: CONSCIOUSNESS

In the realm of love, constant thoughts about the person you cherish become inevitable. Their presence occupies your mind, awakening you each day, and the mere contemplation of them brings forth feelings of joy and excitement.

The Bible vividly portrays God’s boundless love for us, highlighting His consciousness of our existence. The question posed in the Bible, “What is man that thou art mindful of?” (Psalms 8:4) underscores the idea that God’s mind is continually filled with thoughts of us, signifying His constant awareness.

When you love someone, you find yourself immersed in thoughts and dreams about them. Expressing love to God involves not just words but also a sincere examination of your heart to determine if you are consistently conscious of Him.

When someone easily forgets essential details about you, it might suggest a lack of genuine consciousness. Imagine God forgetting to wake you up in the morning – I hold the belief that as I sleep, God remains by my bedside, eagerly anticipating the dawn to wake me. He has been consistent throughout my life; not once has He forgotten to wake me up since I was born till date.

To what extent do you acknowledge the presence of God in your life? Are you conducting your daily activities as if God is absent, or does the awareness of His existence only arise when faced with challenges? How frequently do you contemplate and meditate on His boundless love?

Claiming to love someone necessitates being aware and considerate of how your actions impact the other person and being attuned to their feelings. This holds not only in our connection with God and those we hold dear but also extends to our relationships with others. When a person is genuinely in love, they demonstrate care and concern not solely for those they deem important but for anyone who comes into their proximity, sharing the warmth of their love indiscriminately. Discrimination in any capacity is an expression of the wickedness in the heart of man, God has called us to be different.

PILLAR 3: SACRIFICE

A widely recognized saying asserts that love and sacrifice are inseparable. Sacrifice transcends merely giving material possessions; it involves giving of oneself. The Bible encapsulates this concept in the verse, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son.” (John 3:16) If God gave His own life for the ones He loves, what else do you think He can’t give?

True sacrifice entails parting with something that holds personal value. David’s declaration, “I will not give unto the Lord that which cost me nothing,” underscores the understanding that genuine love demands the willingness to give one’s all. (2Samuel 24:24)

The biblical injunction for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church emphasizes the essence of selfless giving. Sacrifice becomes a pivotal factor in the success of any love relationship, be it between humans and God or between spouses. At times, this involves relinquishing aspects of one’s life such as a job, career, time, money, pride, and more.

In establishing priorities, I believe that God should be first in attention and commitment, followed by marriage, then ministry, career, and other pursuits. Unfortunately, some individuals invert this order, placing their career or other interests before God. For those called to ministries, the sequence shifts when marriage enters the picture. In such cases, the ministry takes the third position after God and marriage, underscoring the importance of marrying someone whose purpose aligns with one’s ministry and purpose in life.

A daily prayer that I lift to God is for there to be nothing in my life so cherished that I cannot offer it to Him, even my own life. True love, in my view, involves a willingness to give anything and everything.

My stance on finances within marriage is that what one possesses belongs to both partners, signifying a commitment to share and own everything together, not just a portion.

I once heard a gospel minister claim sole ownership over what he called his ministry, neglecting to understand that in the sight of God, ownership is rebellion, we possess nothing, and we are all custodians of everything.

Approaching our relationship with God with the perspective that everything we have belongs to Him eradicates any struggle to part with our possessions, be it money, career, time, or comfort. This mindset fosters a willingness to surrender all, acknowledging that nothing truly belongs exclusively to ourselves.

PILLAR 4: VULNERABILITY

Vulnerability, often overlooked but profoundly significant, stands as a crucial component of love.

In its essence, vulnerability is the willingness to reveal fears, failures, flaws, or imperfections to someone without the dread of judgment, coupled with the hope that such revelations won’t be weaponized against you.

When you allow yourself to be vulnerable with someone, the facade of perfection fades away. You become authentic and sincere, devoid of any pretense. I regard vulnerability as the ultimate pillar that substantiates love because, for many of us, it requires considerable time to genuinely reveal our fears, and unfortunately, many never truly open up.

While you shouldn’t be vulnerable to everyone because of how delicate this is, when you however stand in the presence of God, who knows all things, anything less than complete vulnerability indicates a lack of love and intimacy.

When it comes to marriage, If for any reason, you find it challenging to be entirely vulnerable with someone, it may be an indication not to marry them.

A poignant anecdote illustrates a person who bequeathed all his possessions to his mother out of fear of losing everything in a potential divorce. While this approach may align with worldly practices, as children of the Living God, we comprehend the significance God places on vulnerability. As believers, our approach to marriage decisions diverges from those who lack this understanding. While the world may prepare for divorce while entering marriage, we don’t. We choose true vulnerability and genuine love.

Consider, for instance, entering into a love relationship where you lay bare your unflattering moments, past encounters, weaknesses, or health concerns, acknowledging that exposing these aspects might not only challenge your ego but also potentially make your partner reconsider the relationship if they discover them – that is true vulnerability.

Relationships or marriages characterized by secrecy often lack vulnerability. It is not glamorous or pleasant to share sides of oneself that may not be personally admired, however, vulnerability demands that. Vulnerability is the litmus test for genuine love. It’s the acknowledgment that true love withstands the exposure of one’s less admirable traits.

God, exemplifies vulnerability by entrusting humanity with considerable power, observing how it is wielded. Despite foreseeing the consequences, such as Adam’s surrender of power to Lucifer and the pain of the impending cross, God’s love remains unwavering. His vulnerability is evident in allowing humans the freedom to choose.

You will think that because of how humans misuse the gifts and anointing of the Holy Spirt, God will withdraw the power from men, but No, his love seen through vulnerability still ensures that man reserves the right to choose
Despite the potential for human misuse of the gifts and anointing of the Holy Spirit, one might expect God to retract such power from individuals. However, the unyielding love of God, as demonstrated through vulnerability, affirms that humanity retains the right to choose.

In conclusion,

If you find yourself uncertain about the true meaning of loving God or others, these four pillars serve as effective guidelines: Tenderness, Consciousness, Sacrifice, and Vulnerability. Each of these aspects has been exemplified by God in His interactions with us, and He anticipates us to extend these principles to others. It’s crucial to recognize that loving people is inseparable from loving God, and as you cultivate a love for God, you’ll discover that love is not merely a sentiment or possession but a transformative state of being.

Furthermore, anyone who has not encountered Jesus lacks the capacity for genuine love, as there exists a dimension of love beyond human capability that necessitates divine empowerment. Embracing these principles not only deepens our connection with God but also empowers us to genuinely love and relate to those around us.

I know there are many other pillars of Love beyond what I have been able to cover, feel free to add to the list in the comment section below